Friday, 28 June 2013

Awww or aaarrggghh?

The secret to happiness is to know yourself and be comfortable with who you are. This is our core philosophy at Hapless Dad. I, for example, am a complete nob head. This is something I realised many years ago. I have tried to change this many times. I have worked extremely hard to live the life of a competent, socially capable individual. But this ended in tears (mostly mine). As a middle aged man I am now completely at ease with the fact that I am a nob head. It still results in tears but now they are mostly other people's. Result!

The same applies to parenting. Here at HD we want to help you to find your parenting style and, most importantly be comfortable with it. So take our interactive quiz to find out what kind of parent you are. When I say interactive, I mean you need a pen and paper.

Read each statement and identify which response would be your natural reaction. Remember there is no one watching you so BE HONEST! Next to each option is a number of points. At the end of the quiz add the points together to receive the gift of self knowledge.

Are you an aww parent or an aaarrrggghh parent?
1. Why did you decide to have children?
a) Having kids would make your life truly complete. (1)
b) A relative or friends had a baby and it looked just wonderful. (2)
c) You were drunk and your partner put you under pressure (3)
d) You wanted to be allowed to 'keep it in' for a change (4)
2. What was your birth experience like?
a) Wonderful and natural (1)
b) The most incredible experience of your life (2)
c) A bit of a nightmare but worth it in the end (3)
d) A cross between the exorcist and animal hospital but with drugs and without Rolf Harris (4)
3. What was your experience of having a new born?
a) You never ever wanted it to end (1)
b) Your favourite thing was the night feeds as you got a chance for an extra long cuddle (2)
c) It was hard but it brought you together as a family (3)
d) If you'd wanted something that did nothing but sleep and shit you'd have rescued a greyhound (4)
4. How would you describe the toddler years?
a) Every new day was a joy as our little man achieved each little landmark (1)
b) You enjoyed seeing progress and comparing achievements with other parents (2)
c) Physically and mentally exhausting but fun at the same time (3)
d) What the fuck was the point of coming out for a meal? If I'd wanted to spend my time pushing something round and round a car park while everyone else enjoyed themselves I'd have got a job as a trolley boy at ASDA. (4)
5. You come downstairs to find your child has spread poo all over the wall.
a) I couldn't possibly be without my child long enough for that to happen. I love him so much (1)
b) You and wife laugh hysterically at this comedy situation. Post on facebook and twitter and write in your childhood memories journal. (2)
c) What a nightmare but just one of those things. I'll get cleaning (3)
d) Fucking, fuckety, fuck arse!! From now on it stays in it's cage when we are having a lie in! (4)
6. You are considering a nursery for your child. What factors are important?
a) The one with best reputation. That's why we bought an extra house in this catchment area (1)
b) Somewhere your child will be happy and looked after. (2)
c) Somewhere recommended by a friend and not too expensive. (3)
d) Anywhere that will take them from 7.30 till 6 and aren't too diligent on checking the mobile number you give them.
7. It's time to start school. How do you react?
a) Devastation. I've lost my baby for good, lets have another one quickly. (1)
b) A few tears (from you) (2)
c) Not easy to let go but you are very proud of your little man. (3)
d) Thank fuck for that. "Can I have an form to enrol in breakfast club and after school club?" (4)
8. It's a rainy day. Which activity are you most likely to indulge in?
a) I love rainy days. We'll spend all day baking and then curl up together on the sofa. (1)
b) Get everyone in their wet weather gear and head outside looking for 'textures' (2)
c) Soft play with a group of like minded parents (3)
d) Staring out of the window cursing god while your kids watch telly all day. Let them play the Wii every now and then for variety. (4)
9. Which of these phrases are you most likely to say?
a) I just love being a parent. It makes me whole. (1)
b) The kids have really made our family. (2)
c) It's hard work but I wouldn't have it any other way. (3)
d) Unless you learn to change your own nappy I'm putting all your toys in the bin!
10. When are you completing this quiz?
a) When the kids are in bed and my partner is out. I don't want to waste any chances for time with any of them. (1)
b) When my partner is having some quality time with the kids. (2)
c) When the kids are occupied doing something fun. (3)
d) When the kids are locked in a sound proof room, trying to strangle each other whilst fighting over the remote. (5)
That's the quiz over. Once you have answered all the questions as truthfully as possible, add up your scores:
10 points: You are officially an aww! parent. Keep taking the Prozac!
11 - 20 points: You have definite aww traits! Something to keep an eye on!
20 - 30 points: You do like your kids but you understand parenting is hard work!
30 - 40 points: You are in the aaaargggh zone!
40 points: You are officially an aaaarrrgggh parent! Don't worry they'll be out of your hair in 18 years. But you'll still be paying!!
I hope our interactive quiz has been of use. It may have told you something new or confirmed what you new already. Either way be comfortable with what you are, its the secret to true happiness. Unless of course you scored 40 points in which case a life of never ending misery awaits.
Hapless Dad
If you have been effected by any of the topics covered in this quiz our online counsellors are available to chat through your results.

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